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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
My internet goes out more than I do.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
i hate that the sun comes up so early