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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.