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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.