Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, “I’m not crazy!” and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it