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The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
I’m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don’t want to hang out with you now… but I’m still very proud…
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)