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I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!