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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
That logical moment when you`re watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven`t taken him away from his parents yet.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.