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So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.