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Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
The covers of this book are too far apart.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.