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I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.