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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.