Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
More people should be at a loss for words.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...