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It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
Iām giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)