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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or prettier than you. That would be me.
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!