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I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"