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We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.