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The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.