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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.