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Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
Ways to die: Steal my food.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.