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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
In Canada, she`s Kilometery Cyrus.
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!