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When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.