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I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
When someone says "Surprise me", I quickly drop my pants.
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
There is no time to check time
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…