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Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”