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Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
Soup of the day: Beer
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.