Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.