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Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.