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And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.”
Well, the people outside are frightful.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi