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At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
I`m just a guy struggling to find the appropriate level of inappropriateness for every social interaction I`m unlucky enough to be a part of
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.