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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.