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Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...