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When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
life is short play naked
Dear Rebecca Black, you are the most beautiful And prettiest girl in the world. Don`t let the haters get you down. P.S Forgot to mention today`s opposite day.
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.