Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!