Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist`s finger before she stops believing that you`re doing it accidentally.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.