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How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
My mind has a mind of its own.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
"Woo, I`m on a roll today, baby!" -butter
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.