Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!