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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
I`ve given up on giving up.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job.