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People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
You can`t control who comes into your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of.
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.