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*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.