Daily Silly Status

The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.

Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.

I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord

If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?

Bless me Father for I hit send.

I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com

If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.

I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"

Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.

Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.

To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.

“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.

I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."

Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."

If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.