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Wine: How classy people get trashed.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
*calling pizza place* "Hello?" Your pizza tastes like cardboard "Are you sure you`re not eating the box again?" *long pause* *click*
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.