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If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone