Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.