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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.