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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
The text message is the new greeting card, but without any hope that there will be money inside.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.