Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.