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I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.