Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
Just once when they interview a serial killer’s neighbor I’d like to hear them say “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he was a real Weirdo”
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
I hate when the remote is way over there
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.