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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.