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The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, Iām really disappointed with Bill Gates.
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."