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I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.