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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!