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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.