Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
Someone invited me to their dog`s birthday party on Saturday. What a freak! I am NOT coming to your dog`s birthday party! Besides, my cat is getting married that weekend!
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich