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I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.